Friday, July 15, 2011

Harry Potter Week: The Hunt For Muggles Begins! (Win a wand!)

The Hunt for Muggles Begins!
Special report by Walden Gazard.

Once considered a breach of the International Statute of Wizarding Secrecy, the Muggle-Hunting bill has been denied and even considered inhumane for centuries. However, we are delighted to announce that as of 8:37pm last night, Pius Thicknesse (Minister for Magic), Dolores Umbridge (Head of the Muggle Born Registration Committee) and members of the Wizengamot have officially decreed Muggle-Hunting legal.

Already the Department of Magical Games and Sports have set up their newest divison, the "Muggle-Hunting Tournament Committee", which will be headed by none other than Muggle-Hunting activist, Dolores Umbridge. Dolores describes her newest position as, "A great honour. There is no job more satisfying than relieving our world of the canker that threatens to overcome us, all the while providing entertainment to our elite citizens."

Barnabas Bleckly, member of the Wizengamout, spoke to us briefly after the meeting was held last night. "Muggles are always prattling on about environmental issues, so we're doing our part to clean up the world. Really, they should be grateful." Indeed, history tells us of the barbaric and cruel behaviour of muggles toward wizards, often hunting down our kind to perform Witch Burnings. Thankfully a simple Flame-Freezing Charm prevented any harm coming to the witch or wizard, but many would agree we have tolerated the beastery for long enough.

Just hours after Muggle-Hunting was legalised, highly successful wizarding brands and businesses were already offering their sponsorship and putting in bids to secure advertisement during the event. Both Borgin & Burkes and Gladrags Wizardwear offered a substantial amount of Galleons to gain prime advertising. "Many of my clientele have been in favor of Muggle-Hunting for years," says Mr. Borgin, "It's a wise investment toward a good cause."

Rather than allow every witch and wizard with a wand to stampede the muggle society, the Muggle-Hunting Tournament will be organised into teams, promoting healthy competition between purebloods. Some are even going as far to say that it could prove more popular than Quidditch. "People love to get behind their favourite teams and buy merchandise in support. And when it's for a cause that touches so many hearts, it's going to be huge," says Bently. "We're making galleons while weeding out the muggles, why didn't we do this sooner?"

Preparations have gone into the Tournament for months, despite the bill only passing last night. "It was only a matter of time before the Ministry saw reason. We are in an age of enlightenment," reveals Dolores. "Finally our society is beginning to see the threat of existing alongside such beasts. We wanted to have everything prepared for when the announcement was made." And prepared they are. Madam Umbridge has stated that the first bi-annual Muggle-Hunting Tournament will begin in as little as four months.

Mr. Bleckly exclusively revealed some of the Tournaments details to The Daily Prophet. "We won't just be judging on the number of muggles killed or taken captive - though the number will be a major contributing factor - but we're looking for talent, creativity and passion. This is a sport, we want entertainment." Bleckly also hinted we may be seeing beasts of a different kind involved. "There will be a number of rounds in the Tournament and each will require a different tactic of capture, torture and death. It won't all be about wandwork. Be prepared for some XXXX Ministry-Classified magical creatures. Grrrrr! Exciting, eh?"
    If you have a team of 7 eager witches and wizards who are able to prove their Pure Blood Status, then you can submit your application directly to the Muggle-Hunting Tournament Committee or you may owl them to us here at The Daily Prophet where we will be passing them on to the Ministry. Registrations close August 13.

    Prepare for Hunt!

    Thoughts on today's article? Excited for the newest sporting craze to hit Britain? Will you be submitting a team application? Or will you be boycotting the event? If so, please leave your name and address so Ministry Officials can take you into custody so The Daily Prophet can anonymously interview you.

    Be sure to stop by the other blogs the Ministry have officially taken over:
    Liz at Planet Print
    Honey at Sniff Books, Not Drugs
    Sonia at The Story Queen

    Giveaway Time!
    You'll be needing a wand in perfect condition if you wish to try your skill in the Muggle-Hunting Tournament. With Ollivander currently out of business, it's hard finding a respectable wandmaker. You don't want a wand that Kedavra's before it Avada's. We're happy to announce we have found the perfect place for all your wand-waving needs!

    Wizard Wood Wands - makers of fine wands since 962 B.C.

    They have an incredible range of wands to suit even the fussiest of witches. Many say the wand chooses the wizard, but why can't the wizard choose the wand? They offer a comprehensive choice of wood type, handle style, lengths and wand cores to craft the wand that is right for you. And no two wands are exactly alike!

    This week, the immensely generous wandmakers are offering the chance for three lucky witches or wizards, anywhere in the world, to win one of their hand-crafted wands. Whether you plan to charm the tail off a Hippogriff or transfigure that acromantula into a handsome warlock, Wizard Wood Wands are the perfect choice. ONE person will be chosen from my giveaway, so if you want two more chances to win a wand, head over to Liz and Sonia's posts!

    CLICK HERE TO ENTER
    Open worldwide.
    Ends July 20th.
    One entry per person.

    Here are just a few examples of the wands they've crafted. Yours may differ to what is shown:

    Muggles:
    Neither we nor Wizard Wood Wands are to be held liable if your wand does not perform real magic. And besides, it's illegal for you to have one anyway!

    6 comments:

    1. Dolores Jane Umbridge is a sick, sick woman. She's a nutter. Barmy. Touched in the head. Why would the Ministry make Muggle-hunting legal? THEY'RE ALL CRAZY I TELL YOU. This post was sufficiently creepy...

      ReplyDelete
    2. Thanks for the great giveaway!!!

      ReplyDelete
    3. Umbridge, why you gotta be like that? See, that's why I don't like pink. (but I love kittens, sorry)

      Thanks for the chance to win a wand!

      ReplyDelete
    4. *firmly boycotts event and waits for the Ministry Officials to drag her off*

      Thanks very much for the wand giveaway!

      ReplyDelete
    5. YES PLEASE!!!

      marypres(AT)gmail(DOT)com

      ReplyDelete
    6. Aww.. It's all blogger's fault. *grumbles* I wasn't able to join! I want a wand of my own!

      I remember reading this post and wanting to strangle that woman in pink. God, I hated her so much in the movie! How much more in the book? Which I should really read.

      ReplyDelete

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